January 16, 2015
Reviewed by Joseph Hett
Jerry Seinfeld Amuses Augusta
Comedian Jerry Seinfeld made a rare stop in Augusta, GA at the Bell Auditorium on Friday night in front of a capacity crowd. He brought his unique form of observational comedy that touched on American culture and human behavior. Seinfeld proved that he is still one of the best – if not the best – in the business.
Seinfeld walked out to a major eruption and went straight into analyzing how the world works. He brought up how absurd prescription drug TV commercials are these days, and how these commercials fail to specify what ailment the drug is for. He then went on to point out how the Viagra commercial – with horses pulling a truck stuck in mud – would portray an image of “needing horses to get this thing up.”
Seinfeld continued to delve into people who hang out at coffee shops and think that they are cool. He transitioned into America’s obesity epidemic, “We don’t have a weight problem until we’re all physically touching each other all of the time.”
He surmised that food and sex is the focus of 99% of the human brain, and the other 1% accomplishes everything else. He wrapped up his food and sex segment by saying, “I have never met a brownie who wasn’t in the mood.”
Seinfeld compared the invention of Pop-Tarts to Moses coming out with the Ten Commandments by saying, “The Pop-Tart is here!” He ended his diatribe on food with a note on Pop-Tarts, “They can’t go stale because they were never fresh.” That really touched home with the Augusta crowd. Seinfeld said, “I love Augusta!”
He asked what annoys him in life – phones. Seinfeld added that everyone has to have a hard rectangular shape in their pocket these days. He added that you really can’t slam your phone down in anger either. He pointed out that *69 is a rather provocative number, “How did that slip through an entire organization? You mean to tell me that nobody at the phone company went to junior high?” And continued, “I can’t wait to hear what you have for 3-way calling.”
A heckler interrupted by yelling, “FaceTime!” Seinfeld cleverly responded, “Thank you for jumping in there…What does FaceTime have to do with the postal service? Well, I can see how you found your way to Augusta. I’m teasing…it’s a hip town.”
Seinfeld proudly revealed that he is 60 years old. He said that he recently made a bucket list and “changed the F to a B.” He noted that GOLF is the ultimate family avoidance tool – meaning “Get Out Leave Family.” He spoke about married life and how a man must have all of the answers when married. He also brought up how horrible children’s entertainment is these days.
The final subject Seinfeld touched on was the irony of how restrooms are constructed these days. He said that they are made of the “most sound reflective materials” – referring to the acoustics. It takes a magic act for those motion sensors to dispense paper towels, he added. Seinfeld ended his show by saying, “I’m not a horse, why am I in a stall?” The crowd erupted in laughter, and Seinfeld said, “Thank you Augusta! You’ve been a wonderful audience.”
The audience was very engaged during Seinfeld’s 80-minute set. He continued his stellar reputation of keeping his act clean. He touched on many subjects that are found in American culture in today’s society. This resonated with the audience, regardless of their respective age. Augusta needs to keeping on bringing these big acts to the area because things are starting to look up in the CSRA.